Taken from Wiki
Janejunlee
7/10/10
9.43am
I felt that I might be having this symptoms as I am so different now. I hardly goes out. I stayed at home most of the time, I never socialize anymore. And I dont felt that confident anymore. I felt like a loser. I became more quiet. I lost my mojo~
People that knew me they will understand what I have been through and only they understand me.
But not everyone. I dont trust people much. Some people even your family will betrayed you.
Most of time, I bottled my feelings. There would be the channel for me to release my self.
But now I hardly release it anymore. It really depends who I release too.
My Secret. I cant see everyone as someone I trust anymore.
I want my Mojo back! I need to go back to Muay Thai back.
I need some channel to released myself again...
I hope I will not slip away again.....
my emotions isnt stable now.
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Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques and used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" or middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as extramarital affairs, andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, big-ticket expenditures, or physical appearance.
Academic research since the 1980s rejects the notion of midlife crisis as a phase that most adults go through. In one study, fewer than 10% of people in the United States had psychological crises due to their age or aging.Personality type and a history of psychological crisis are believed to predispose some people to this "traditional" midlife crisis. People going through this suffer a variety of symptoms and exhibit a disparate range of behaviors.
Many middle aged adults experience major life events that can cause a period of psychological stress or depression, such as the death of a loved one, or a career setback. However, those events could have happened earlier or later in life, making them a "crisis," but not necessarily a midlife one. In the same study, 15% of middle-aged adults experienced this type of midlife turmoil.
Some studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others, one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a midlife crises is mainly a cultural construct. The authors hypothesized that the "culture of youth" in Western societies accounts for the popularity of the midlife crisis concept there.
Researchers have found that midlife is often a time for reflection and reassessment, but this is not always accompanied by the psychological upheaval popularly associated with "midlife crisis."
or the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 40-60 (a large study in the 1990s[5] found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis was 46). Midlife crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women.
A midlife crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over:
- work or career
- spousal relationships
- maturation of children
- aging or death of parents
- physical changes associated with aging
Midlife crises seem to affect men and women differently. Researchers[6] have proposed that the triggers for midlife crisis differ between men and women, with male midlife crisis more likely to be caused by work issues.
Some have hypothesized that another cause of the male midlife crisis is the imminent menopause of the female partner and end of her reproductive career.[7]
Characteristics
Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis have some of these feelings:
- search of an undefined dream or goal
- a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
- desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
- need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
They exhibit some of these behaviors:
- abuse of alcohol
- acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc.
- depression
- blaming themselves for their failures
- paying special attention to physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing "younger" designer clothes etc.
- entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual, professional, parental, etc.)
- placing overimportance (and possibly a psychologically damaging amount) on their children to excel in areas such as sports, arts or academics
Theoretical basis
"The notion of the midlife crisis began with followers of Sigmund Freud, who thought that during middle age everyone’s thoughts were driven by the fear of impending death".Although midlife crisis has lately received more attention in popular culture than serious research, there are some theoretical constructs supporting the notion. Jungian theory holds that midlife is key to individuation, a process of self-actualization and self-awarenessthat contains many potential paradoxes.Although Carl Jung did not describe midlife crisis per se, the midlife integration of thinking, sensation, feeling, and intuition that he describes could, it seems, lead to confusion about one's life to date and one's goals.
Erik Erikson held that in life's seventh stage, middle adulthood, people struggle to find new meaning and purpose to their lives; their questioning, he believed, could lead to what we now call a midlife crisis.
Some psychologists believe men's midlife crisis is a psychological reaction to the imminent menopause and end of reproductive career of their spouses. Their genes may be influencing men to be more attracted to reproductive women, and less attached to their non-reproductive spouses.
Criticism
Some people have challenged the existence of midlife crises altogether. One study found that 23% of participants had what they called a "midlife crisis," but in digging deeper, only one-third of those—8% of the total—said the crisis was associated with realizations about aging.
The balance (15% of those surveyed) had experienced major life experiences or transitions such as divorce or loss of a job in middle age and described them as "midlife crisis." While there is no doubt these events can be traumatic—the associated grief reactions can be indistinguishable from depression-- these upheavals aren't unique to middle age and aren't an age-related midlife crisis.
University of California - Davis researchers Carolyn Alwin and Michael Levenson presented the current view of midlife crisis in a 2001 article:
Costa and McCrae (1980) found little evidence for an increase in neuroticism in midlife ... While they did find that some people were likely to experience such crises, ... these individuals were likely to experience crises in their 20s and 30s, and these experiences were not unique to midlife. ...Robinson, Rosenberg, and Farrell (1999) reinterviewed (500) men. Looking back over their midlife period, it became evident that while not necessarily entailing crisis, it was a time for re-evaluation."
Wrapping up their review of men's midlife crisis, Alwin and Levenson wrote that "... Given the bulk of the data, it is likely that, for most men, midlife is a time of achievement and satisfaction. For a certain proportion of men, however, the passage is not at all smooth." They found a similar pattern when they reviewed research on what are commonly thought to be triggers for women's midlife crisis: menopause, children leaving home, the "sandwich" of caring for both parents and children. Most women navigated those periods without a traumatic psychological "crisis."
The enduring popularity of the midlife crisis concept may be explained by another finding by Robinson et al. As Alwin and Levenson summarize: "... younger men, now middle-aged Baby Boomers, used the term "midlife crisis" to describe nearly any setback, either in their career or family life."
Levinson's findings were research about the possible existence of a midlife crisis and its implications. Whereas Levinson (1978) found that 80% of middle-aged participants had a crisis, and Ciernia (1985) reported that 70% of men in midlife said they had a crisis (Shek, 1996) others could not replicate those findings including Shek (1996), Kruger (1994), McCrae and Costa (1990), and Whitbourne (2010). The debate of whether or not there is a midlife crisis is being answered through recent research that attempts to balance such factors as response bias and experimenter effects in order to establish internal validity. The above mentioned research does not support Levinson's model of a single age in the middle years that is a designated time of transition and potential "crisis." Instead, changes in personality can occur throughout the adult years with no peak in general distress or psychosocial crisis (Whitbourne, Sneed, and Sayer, 2009).
For the most part, at all ages researchers in Positive Adult Development have found improvement or at worst, stasis for most of the population.
In popular culture
The midlife crisis has been the subject of many television series and films, often the source of amusement in sitcoms, soaps and other television productions. The 1970s Polish television series, Czterdziestolatek meaning "The 40-Year-Old" was entirely geared towards covering midlife crisis issues in a comedy series. In the Australian television series, Neighbours, Karl Kennedy went though a midlife crisis dating young women and changing his appearance.
While the classic 1955 movie The Seven Year Itch deals with the supposed decline of marital quality after seven years of marriage, the protagonist Richard Sherman (played by Tom Ewell) is obviously going through a midlife crisis. In fact, the book that proposes the seven-year-itch hypothesis, entitled "Of Man and the Unconscious", even has a chapter on "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male: Its Roots and lts Consequences" connecting it to the midlife crisis in men. As an editor for a publishing house, Sherman reads – and reads into – this psychological study which he believes directly corresponds to increasingly erotic, frenetic, and ultimately frantic daydreams stemming from his flirtation with the new nubile neighbor upstairs (Marilyn Monroe in one of her most memorable roles).
Decidedly more serious takes on the subject include John Cheever's short stories, "The Country Husband" and "The Swimmer", shedding light on modern '60s era suburbia, as well as more bittersweet and timely turns at the turn of the millennium in the films American Beauty (2000 Academy Awards Best Picture winner) and Lost in Translation.
English progressive rocker, Roger Waters, formerly of Pink Floyd, also released a solo album, The Pros and Cons of Hitch-Hiking, which explores a man and his midlife crisis as he dreams of having an affair and tries desperately to find solutions to his problems.
Another source
A spinster with unfulfilled maternal desires may decide to have a baby out of wedlock or offer to 'rent her womb.' Some psychologists say that Midlife Crisis is just a convenient excuse for irresponsible behavior. But it can be argued that if this was the case, why wait till middle age to indulge one's self? Middle Age is merely a transitory phase, and is not something to be feared but welcomed. Crisis usually occurs when there is a lack of preparation. E. M. Blaicklock says "Middle Age is the time when life's fruits begin to ripen."
It must be prepared for. It is a time to take stock of one's self, and examine one's life style. One needs to identify factors that can contribute to a crisis and address them individually. Is there fear of losing one's youth, sex appeal and beauty? Do a few strands of grey, or sagging breasts or weight gain create panic? One psychiatrist says, "Feeling good and looking good is related to a balance between mind and body." And Longfellow assures us that "Age is no less an opportunity than youth itself, though in another dress."
Exercise, a balanced diet, relaxation, and a general interest in the world around, will put the radiance back into middle aged faces.
Has the marriage relationship become boring? Then one needs to put more effort into changing it. A little more loving, communication and caring can go a long way in setting things right. The husband may also be passing through midlife crisis and may be disinterested or unable to respond to her feelings. A woman must therefore verbalize her needs directly and specifically, making him understand that she is passing through a difficult phase and wants his understanding and love. A good husband will not only be emotionally supportive of his wife, but also give her the space she needs to develop her sense of self worth. If a woman is suddenly widowed in middle age, her depression may increase. Or she might rush into an affair which is not a sensible thing to do while under stress.
For a woman who has spent the best years of her life being an exemplary mother, who has found identity and fulfillment in her children, the realization that they don't need her anymore, and a wide generation gap is developing between them, makes her feel marginalized and useless. Midlife is also a time when one becomes vulnerable healthwise. Diseases like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, the need for diet restriction, medication, exercise, make her conscious of her mortality. She begins to brood over her situation and gets bogged down in self pity. Dwindling money resources and stringencies brought on by retirement, also pose a threat to her peace of mind.
All these stress factors have a snowballing effect, which can undermine a woman's self confidence and bring about altered behavior like, depression, irritability, irrational behavior, assertiveness or abnormal sexual interest. In fact, this phase is like passing through a 'second emotional adolescence.'
Anticipating and preparing for middle age can make the transition smoother. Life doesn't end at that stage. Floyd and Thatcher say, "Middle Age is a time for discovery, not stagnation. It is a time ripe for fresh beginnings - a threshold to a rich stimulating future. If approached with good humour and flexibility, and an openness to change, the middle years and beyond can be the best half of life." Life has many different seasons. At each season a woman needs to reassess her values from different perspectives. Whether single, married or widowed, she needs to bloom in her own identity, and not be a rubber stamp of her husband or a door mat for her children; nor should she let herself be exploited even by her own family. She too must be a decision maker and assert herself when necessary.
Hobbies and new interests make life interesting. "Unlock your creativity," exhorts Ann Morrow Lindbergh. Music, reading, travel, painting are mood elevators.
Husbands and children must realize that their supportive love can work magic in overcoming midlife crisis. But unless a woman verbalizes her needs and fears, they cannot know.
Finding time for introspection, refusing to condemn one's self for imaginary short comings, and an awareness of the temporary nature of such a crisis, is half way to overcoming it. People tend to put God last when faced with a crisis. Paul's words in Philippians 3:13 are encouraging. "I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear out one thing; forgetting the past, and looking to what lies ahead." Prayer surmounts many a crisis.
Another source
Life is a cycle of seasons, and the transitions between seasons can be worrisome. Often there may be minor disruptions in life style, which are soon resolved. But when they persist, there is a crisis. Midlife is one such period which has been recognized as a period of potential crisis.
Midlife sets in somewhere between the end of the 30s and the late 40s. It is distinct from the premenopausal years that occur later. Up till the 1900s, only about 10% of women reached middle age. Their roles were well defined within the limited sphere of home and family, as wife, mother, domestic drudge. Midlife crisis was unheard of.
Midlife sets in somewhere between the end of the 30s and the late 40s. It is distinct from the premenopausal years that occur later. Up till the 1900s, only about 10% of women reached middle age. Their roles were well defined within the limited sphere of home and family, as wife, mother, domestic drudge. Midlife crisis was unheard of.
However, the 20th century has seen an incredible lengthening of the life span, with women living well into their 7th or 8th decade. So, around 40 years or thereabouts, when the business of child bearing is over, and children begin to assert their independence, there looms before women a stretch of life that appears to be like a vacuum. Husbands may also be passing through their own midlife crisis, and are like irritable hedgehogs. Or in a reversal of roles, they become overly dependant on their wives. Women begin to feel trapped.
A woman may feel that life is passing her by. "Who am I?" she wonders. "Does my life count for anything?" An inexplicable loneliness overcomes her as though she has no real self identity. Conscious of her gradually fading beauty and energy, she sinks into depression. This feeling of worthlessness is compounded if there is marital dissatisfaction. The 20th century saw revolutionary changes taking place in every aspect of life. Education, employment outside the home, collapse of the joint family system, migration to the impersonal atmosphere of cities, changing sex roles, women's liberation movements, youth culture, and rapid advances in Science and technology - these have created a kind of insecurity in the traditional woman. As she tries to keep pace with changing times, stress becomes her portion.
It is against this background that Midlife Crisis assumes significance. Whether single, married or widowed, almost 2/3rds of women pass through this phase. A career oriented spinster high up in the Management hierarchy suddenly decided that she cannot live alone anymore. She conjures up pictures of being incarcerated in some Home for the Aged, and the prospect alarms her. So she frantically advertises in the newspapers for a suitable spouse, and may imprudently select an undesirable mate, or enter into a live-in relationship. A sober middle aged widow may decide to give herself a new image. She may visit a beautician to have her hair styled, her eyebrows plucked, and her wrinkles ironed out with Botox. She may even begin to use heavy make-up and dress like a teenager. She may flirt outrageously with eligible men, or have an affair with someone younger than her son. People notice, gossip and snigger, but the woman throws propriety to the winds, and is brazen about her behavior.
A spinster with unfulfilled maternal desires may decide to have a baby out of wedlock or offer to 'rent her womb.' Some psychologists say that Midlife Crisis is just a convenient excuse for irresponsible behavior. But it can be argued that if this was the case, why wait till middle age to indulge one's self? Middle Age is merely a transitory phase, and is not something to be feared but welcomed. Crisis usually occurs when there is a lack of preparation. E. M. Blaicklock says "Middle Age is the time when life's fruits begin to ripen."
It must be prepared for. It is a time to take stock of one's self, and examine one's life style. One needs to identify factors that can contribute to a crisis and address them individually. Is there fear of losing one's youth, sex appeal and beauty? Do a few strands of grey, or sagging breasts or weight gain create panic? One psychiatrist says, "Feeling good and looking good is related to a balance between mind and body." And Longfellow assures us that "Age is no less an opportunity than youth itself, though in another dress."
Exercise, a balanced diet, relaxation, and a general interest in the world around, will put the radiance back into middle aged faces.
Has the marriage relationship become boring? Then one needs to put more effort into changing it. A little more loving, communication and caring can go a long way in setting things right. The husband may also be passing through midlife crisis and may be disinterested or unable to respond to her feelings. A woman must therefore verbalize her needs directly and specifically, making him understand that she is passing through a difficult phase and wants his understanding and love. A good husband will not only be emotionally supportive of his wife, but also give her the space she needs to develop her sense of self worth. If a woman is suddenly widowed in middle age, her depression may increase. Or she might rush into an affair which is not a sensible thing to do while under stress.
For a woman who has spent the best years of her life being an exemplary mother, who has found identity and fulfillment in her children, the realization that they don't need her anymore, and a wide generation gap is developing between them, makes her feel marginalized and useless. Midlife is also a time when one becomes vulnerable healthwise. Diseases like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, the need for diet restriction, medication, exercise, make her conscious of her mortality. She begins to brood over her situation and gets bogged down in self pity. Dwindling money resources and stringencies brought on by retirement, also pose a threat to her peace of mind.
All these stress factors have a snowballing effect, which can undermine a woman's self confidence and bring about altered behavior like, depression, irritability, irrational behavior, assertiveness or abnormal sexual interest. In fact, this phase is like passing through a 'second emotional adolescence.'
Anticipating and preparing for middle age can make the transition smoother. Life doesn't end at that stage. Floyd and Thatcher say, "Middle Age is a time for discovery, not stagnation. It is a time ripe for fresh beginnings - a threshold to a rich stimulating future. If approached with good humour and flexibility, and an openness to change, the middle years and beyond can be the best half of life." Life has many different seasons. At each season a woman needs to reassess her values from different perspectives. Whether single, married or widowed, she needs to bloom in her own identity, and not be a rubber stamp of her husband or a door mat for her children; nor should she let herself be exploited even by her own family. She too must be a decision maker and assert herself when necessary.
Hobbies and new interests make life interesting. "Unlock your creativity," exhorts Ann Morrow Lindbergh. Music, reading, travel, painting are mood elevators.
Good friends are assets in difficult times. They act as confidantes or as sounding boards when one needs to get something off one's chest. They lend support in times of stress and depression. Groups like "Emotions Anonymous" help its members to open up and talk about their problems. They learn from each other's experiences and help each other mutually, to redefine their ideas and values. They become happy and confident. Artificial props like drugs and alcohol are not the answer, neither is an extra marital affair a solution. It may only lead to guilt feelings that are hard to shake off.
Husbands and children must realize that their supportive love can work magic in overcoming midlife crisis. But unless a woman verbalizes her needs and fears, they cannot know.
Finding time for introspection, refusing to condemn one's self for imaginary short comings, and an awareness of the temporary nature of such a crisis, is half way to overcoming it. People tend to put God last when faced with a crisis. Paul's words in Philippians 3:13 are encouraging. "I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear out one thing; forgetting the past, and looking to what lies ahead." Prayer surmounts many a crisis.
Midlife is the pre- autumn season of one's life. Autumn is sure to follow, and will light up one's personality with the golden hues of maturity and peace. Life will begin again with a new vision for what is left of the future.
Eva Bell is a doctor of Medicine and also a freelance writer of articles, short stories, children stories. Published in Indian magazines and newspapers, anthologies and also on the web. Author of two novels, one non-fiction, two children's books. Special interest - Travel and Women's Issues. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Eva_Bell |
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